Very easy when youve never ever been there.. The garage has not been cleaned out to make room for him to have his area. Sometimes too much support can lead to learned helplessness it is very difficult to get out of it as you feel so insecure and needy. Any advice on how I salvage this or move on would be appreciated. I have to work to support us. I also want one more tiny aspect My own sense of achievement and pride with my own job. So they might think Ill wait until so and so passes and this situation is resolved and then Ill return to the job hunt.. He gets mean, depressed, and sometimes seem to have no ambition. Im one of those people. after 3 weeks of peace she unloaded my smooch daughter she took from me in the eighth grade-straight as at time. Its hard enough paying for even just myslelf. Dont be afraid to take matters into your own hands. He is wonderful with the kids, homework is done before I get home, he still makes me laugh. If it was meant for you guys to be togetheryou will if not you wont! I forgot so confused right now. It will not get better and who wants to wait and see anyway?? My fiance and I have been together for over 6 years. He says he feels bad for how things are. People find jobs every day. He got cleared last November and went to his Union Hall and there hasnt been work since. My hubby and I have known each other for over 18yrs. He hasnt worked for 8months now, and we are almost getting evicted! His unemployment ran out last year.. Ive been the bread winner for the longest time. I feel like I have no one to talk to, so I am looking for a therapist or something, thank goodness for benefits. The person questioned whether I knew how far I would driving when I took the job. My husband has been unemployed for two years. Not an email. She is probably a narcissist and feels housework is "demeaning" to her but it isn't to you. But in govt sector i have little hope. i actually went looking for support to see if i could find a partner being an unemployed woman and this made me sad. Fabulous! I am an aussie and came upon this site when googling what to do when my husband doesnt work. So, we got past that. When new things come up (for example, we need a new microwave), it helps to determine who is going to own it from the get-go (I took care of it, because my husband had recently dealt with our broken air conditioner). The only thing you can do if you partner behievour is not accepted and not able to change after in dept discussions. My husband is a good dad but not a great stay-at-home parent. No one is saying it is easy, and no one is saying there wont be difficultiesbut why are those who give that advice painted as insensitive or just dont understand? He gets great jobs but than quite them due to something he dont like about the job, or a person he dont like at a job. I think we are all being used and abused.! Childcare n well being of the children will be a big issue. Even he is sick you already look after him for one year . My family doesnt like him at all, they have seen how he gets when he drinks and dont care for him. This is my first time really in an adult relationship but it doesnt feel like it and Im just really exhausted. My heart is breaking because I find myself thinking what if he never ever gets hired or gets a client for web work? I work a dump job, do all the cooking, pay all the bills, take care of son. This person has been living off of the unemployment gravy train of the past year or so after being fired from a job where they simply made no effort to get along with their boss or do what they were asked to do, its as though they wanted to be fired and did what they could to get handed their walking papers. Dad does yardwork and housework, ferries the four kids and still makes his spouse laugh, so what is bothering her? I keep my complaints to myself and keep trying to be uplifting but its hard. This man brings some happiness and reliefe in my life, i know its artificial but for those moments, i feel better, i laugh, i smile and I dont have to pay the bill for our lunch and drinks or the petrol/gas in his comfortable mercedes benz (car). Were living on peanuts because the bills take up most of my pay, and my long battle with depression has flared up again, making life even harder to deal with. So now, while i am working full time, I am also trying to get the other house fixed up for us to live in, and he resists helping and wont even go and see the other house. All Rights Reserved. Too much time is spent on feelings and being supportive and understanding. Only you know if there's something worth salvaging with your spouse something past the money, beyond the sex, on the other side of the resentment. Daily knowledge to improve your marriage. Since then though, he hasnt been able to get anything. I just want a salary every week. In many cases, this person has gone all the way through the interviewing/hiring process before determining that the job was a bad fit and deciding not to take it. Ive watched his closest friends from college stop inviting or including him to activities/vacations as he has not been able afford it. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work. Some of these posts are a yr or two old so i dont know if anyone will read this. Even the women in my family agree. 3. Then came his depression. No way would you ever sign up for that if the guy was truthful to you In the first place. Our guess why that conversation never happens? He have not held a job down for no longer than 6 months each year. I dont know what to say her i am going into a very bad depression now. If you have a caretaker personality, you may need to watch a propensity to give your life partner consent to remain stuck in self-indulgence and inaction. He sits in his room with his collections. Sorry not sorry papi, You are funny Des and I love the bad arse Americans that just go,come on! I am the sole provider. He turned down the job they offered him and its been a rollercoaster since. This is farther reaching than just working to contribute towards a higher standard of living. I dont know how to feel or what to do. I am currently in a relationship that has been going since i was in the 10th grade. To all who have wrote or read. It's annoying when your husband won't do things that you can't do yourself (or simply don't have time to, because you're already doing so much!) When that happened I just tried to help the person gain more skills either online or with classes. Have you even read these comments? He wont do anything. Oh my gosh I think I am Ms. Y. I hate the doubt in my mind that he isnt trying hard enough. To me, its almost like a math problem: I am now responsible for 100 percent of household payments, and still do about 60 percent of household labor. Need help with your relationship? By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. There a Taiwan famous writer he was put in jail many many years ago for political reason. If they just got basic education, they will say a lot of job has high requirement. I just had enough! It may take some alternative solutions, such as hiring a teenager to mow the lawn. By way of comparison, prior to the gender revolution, a husband's employment status made barely a 0.1 percent difference. You deserve it. I do love her, but Im at the point in my life where I want to settle down, get house and start a family. Its now April 2014 and she hasnt found work since then. And of course, that is quite understandable as this is not the traditional or even proper way (IMO) for things to be done in a marriage or family. After having read so many stories here , I think I can roughly classify the partner of unemployment husband of doing almost nothing at housework. After 9 months of his employment we could not afford our mortgage so we sold our house in city and moved to a regional suburb . I think about important question to ask yourself is: do I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? He has always worked all the overtime n hours he possibly can to give myself n our kids everything we want & need. This goes beyond support during hard times, I fear. So I say ladies we are being used and in our relationships we have discovered when the chips are down our partners prefer to stay down and watch us haul the baggage. So, start from the end, my sister was marrying an unemployed person, who was unable to bring money on a reguler basis. I helped him when he doesnt have a job for several months before & now when is my turn he simply said i cant!!!! I am just SO disappointed with him and cant believe that he would not be working around the clock with odd jobs to take care of his family. I am about to give up on one of them and return it back to the bank, which will be a huge hit to our credit, but all of our savings are exhausted, and I am not sure what else to do. Im like, really, is the point of marriage to not starve? The latest 2014 stats for the US show what is the reality (and I use the US only because their numbers were easier to find freely). I dont have time for him. Ive been working almost consistently since hes been out of work, we got married and had a baby during that time and I st returned back to work. How stressed do you think Ive been huh? Nagging creates more marital problems. He owes me thousands of dollars at this point. I really dont expect him to change anymore and it hurts and makes me so angry. Its the most difficult thing ever. At least try ,prove to me I do matter in her world and understand I am breakable, This person tells me what a lousy partner I am whenever I suggest she spend some time looking for work or get new training. There will never be statues made in our likenesses, nor will there ever be a Remembrance Day for the daily wars we fight but know this: you men will never take from us our most important resource the ability to get up one more fcling time than you knock us down. They think they need to get a job that they like or that they want to do. I then found I was the sole income into the family and thought ok this wont be for long. But since he didnt we dont know what to do. I also still have to do my role of taking care of home and family despite him not doing his role as provider. You certainly find out who your phony friends are when youre out of work. 4. Its not much, but she wont take more and she snaps if I offer. "He is not strong like a man who just says, 'Oh I don't care; I've been fired Screw them, I'll go find another job'," Emily said. Any thoughts or suggestions welcome. Understanding and genuinely appreciating the emotional labor your partner performs every day is difficult if everything is going swimmingly at home. The "My Husband Won't Do Half the Housework" Fallacy Im past the encouraging and supportive stage. In fact if they really want to find a entry level job, they dont need to list their high education background to give the employer excuse to refuse them. I feel alone and resentful and frustrated. We dont have a ton of college educated people in our area, but apparently, now that doesnt help either. When havent I been? I am 21, and she just turned 27. Him with a job .. Internet Pornography and Sexualized Behaviors Can Damage Marriages, What to do if Your Spouse Doesnt do Chores, Strategies for Dividing Up the Household Chores. Hes so sick of getting the thanks but no thanks emails, and having recruiters tell him (not kidding here) that hes too old and too overweight for them to even submit his resume to their clients (we live in a very expensive area dominated by younger tech workers). They dont understand how flooded the market is, how few jobs are open and how picky everyone is being. I call BS. Meanwhile, as men earn more, women spend less time . Because of my job we moved back to the US after living overseas for his job, I moved back to a new position with my company when his job became in jeopardy.

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