Whatever you feel, we want to hear what you have to say, and give you a platform where others will be able to hear you too in a short documentary. Consider the scope of what he presented -- it's outrageous. If, however, they maybe don't say it but they do show it by being there for you, trying to avid hurting you, and never giving you reason to think they think less of you, they probably love you but are just bad at showing it. "That band changed my life." But I think, once we start and once the first week or two goes by, I think everybody will feel a lot more comfortable. Lou Reed's death hit me like a tidal wave, a completely unexpected rush of tangled emotions. *Note: Sarah is a composite case study profiled in our new book, You Are Not Your Brain. You can't know what to use the Four Steps/ACT/mindfulness/etc on if you can't distinguish true emotions that should be constructively dealt with from emotional sensations based on deceptive brain messages. The wretched were always welcome at his table, people frozen within their realities and their inability to assimilate. "Lou Reed is a prick and a jerkoff who regularly commits the ultimate sin of treating his audience with contempt. Remembering Lou Reed. What’s the New Phenomenon Called “COVID Vaccine Arm”? "I'm beginning to see the light." I'm gonna describe a feeling and I want you to tell me what you think that feeling represents to you. Another super important thing you can do to work on how you feel about change is to get some nature in your life. The song was cold and cruel and deeply unhappy. I walked out of the pizza shop and into the street. "The Kids." I half expected him to tell me to fuck off and leave him alone, but his strange little eyes lit up behind his glasses and his eyebrows raised in what I can only assume was something resembling surprise. He didn't do what Little Richard did. From what I have gotten from you I think any guy would also think that you are a dream come true it's not easy to find the person that you believe is the perfect match for you and I believe you are one of the lucky ones who has. Some people even report not being able to swallow their own saliva. Chapter 6 helps you figure out where many of your deceptive brain messages may have come from. He claimed in his song "Average Guy" on The Blue Mask that he was, as the title might suggest, "just an average guy," but the claim was preposterous and he knew it. Late last year, I was in New York and I ran into Lou Reed in John's Pizza on Bleecker St. The idea that certain people elicit certain emotions in those they interact with is something psychologists call affective presence, and the research is starting to suggest that the way you make others feel could be as much a part of your disposition as, say, your tendency toward optimism. These are bad signs. I always rely on gratitude to uplift my vibe and thinking. Whenever she interacted with someone, and he "paused, even for a second," she says, she would assume that she must have said something wrong or upset the other person in some way. After a career full of songs like "Heroin," "Sister Ray," "The Blue Mask," "Street Hassle," and countless others, it shouldn't have been that surprising. In those moments, Sarah would become filled with anxiety and her brain would run in endless loops, asking numerous questions, criticizing her, questioning her worth and envisioning various responses in an attempt to alleviate her discomfort. how we can be so sensitive and become over-thinkers that are not true. If someone feels the need to tell me they are something other than how they dress or act it’s really more on them than me. 12/31/2015 04:42:35 pm. For as long as i can remember the mind has interestsd me beyond measure. In fact, we all feel this way. This incredibly radical music somehow ended up in the rock bins in record shops! This inattention to her true needs and feelings caused many deceptive brain messages to take hold in Sarah's brain and led to her developing several thinking errors, including black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, emotional reasoning, discounting the positive, faulty comparisons, and false expectations. It won't help change how you feel. Even more to the point, what if we take those false messages at face value—as true assertions about us and who we are? Soon enough, another thought or feeling would surface and the cycle of deceptive brain messages would begin anew. His entire life was a bomb designed to destroy the very notion of normalcy. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. You rocked my world... What if your mind or your feelings really are picking up on something that's based in reality? No one ever spoke so directly for misfits and freaks. "Why don't you just slip away?". In 1666, English scientist Sir Isaac Newton discovered that when pure white light passes through a prism, it separates into all of the visible colors. It's a record full of such severe internal warring that it can't hold itself together -- it has no choice but to end with the narrator throwing himself off a building. "Not like most people?" Alicia Rivota. So imagine. For example, red light mixed with yellow light creates an orange color. “You can do something stupid when you’re 15, say one thing and 10 years later that shapes how people perceive you,” she said. But you're probably pretty spectacular in some way, and definitely good enough in most areas of life. We made it easy for you to exercise your right to vote. And there is Metal Machine Music, a record that delivered on Luigi Russolo's promise of noise-as-music in a way no major recording artist had ever even dreamed of, a record that in its own way invented "punk" and demolished it in the same moment. And he's managed to be 'cool' without seeming to have an ounce of self-consciousness. He was a walking mess, and his work wore these conflicts on its sleeve. "Everybody always talks about the poor homeless orphan waifs, but what about the homeless fathers?" Playing via Spotify Playing via YouTube. That said, I'll try to give you a brief synopsis and then you can read more in the book if you wish. You hear it all the time about a million bands. I shared the stage with Lou once. In that place where you feel as though God has left your side. One of our biggest challenges—and why we keep reminding people that they are not their brain—is that we often take those initial brain-based thoughts, urges, emotional sensations, impulses and desires at face value and assume they must be true. He was a great guitar player. In many cases, we are actually looking at life through the lens of deceptive brain messages (fueled by active Self-Referencing and Uh Oh Centers) and seeing our circumstances, other people, or ourselves from a distorted and inaccurate viewpoint. We each brought records along. 6/1/2015 12:23:14 am. How can those of us who have built so much of our emotional vocabulary through listening to records deal with such an event? "Ride into the sun." Whether it's worrying about social interactions, our self-worth, our future, our families or something else, overanalyzing in these repetitive ways is exhausting and rarely leads to a productive or helpful outcome. This is also why we introduce the idea of the Wise Advocate into the book , so that you have an external "reality check" so to speak to help you figure out if something is an emotion or an emotional sensation and then what to do about it. I encourage you to start making sure you’re choosing the words “I feel” more often. Matt Krefting is a writer and musician who blogs at kreftingmoondawn.wordpress.com. In June, after Lou Reed's liver transplant, I wrote in an email: "I have to think that he's had a good run. "Like a Possum." Because her Self-Referencing Center was in charge, she could not take in this other information (including alternate explanations for her friend's response) or confidently know that she had done nothing wrong. Lou Reed didn't do what Elvis did. If you think you have symptoms of COVID-19, it’s important to take the following steps: Stay home. So do your part. How do you think I feel? Dysphagia from GERD. Thank you. Raven Peoples: I will have more time during my break to do my homework. His bad ideas were almost as interesting as his good ones. and "Should" Statements - When Are They Useful? She was able to catch herself whenever she got lost in an overanalyzing loop and stop herself before it spun further out of control. Where did this man come from? I keep my eyes wide open, I feel like it’s a trap. This happened because, at some point in the past, Sarah bought into her deceptive brain messages and fused them with her sense of self. His music, in its genius and its flaws, in its poignancy and its awkwardness, arose from a conscious and explicit desire to give a voice to the voiceless, to express the truths of people who were always told that their truth had no value. What Are the Risk Factors for "Drunkorexia"? He was our rock n roll hero more than all...". "I want to fly away." When he performed Berlin in Brooklyn in 2007, his solo on "Men of Good Fortune" made me feel like I was being crucified in my seat. A song like "Rock Minuet," which traces the bleak life of a sexually and psychically warped man with alarming Oedipal extremity, can only exist in the depths of the most genuine compassion. Answered by Ekyochi L #1070232 on 11/4/2020 2:18 PM its chapter 46. with those. What about when knowing that your thoughts and feelings are illogical and wrong doesn't help? "Obsessions, paranoia, willful acts of self-destruction surround us constantly," he wrote in 2003. We're not over-reacting, we're simply allowing our true feelings to be expressed in a constructive, healthy way that leads us to take care of ourselves and honor our true self. Newton also found that each color is made up of a single wavelength and cannot be separated any further into other colors. How to Begin Saving Your Marriage in Five Steps. How many lines can you possibly quote in tribute? Well, I know your love's not real The girl I'm mad about is just a gadabout How do you think I feel? So you're not a "10" in every which way. As Reed drags us through the song, it lives and breathes in such a way that we believe that Lou himself is sexually aroused by torture, that he actually wants to have his wind pipe cut. Center. Rather, she would take the physical and emotional sensations she experienced at face value and use them as further evidence that she was a bad person who was fundamentally flawed in some way. Many of us have felt like Sarah at some point in our lives. I have wrestled with this thought innumerable times: the impulse of destructive desire -- the desire for self-mortification... Why do we do what we should not? He was all over the place. From the lyrics to the sonics to the performances to the strangely obsessive sound of his studio work, he's offered more than most ever dream of offering. Why do we have a passion for exactly the wrong thing? However, if you are feeling sad because you think no one cares about you - despite evidence to the contrary, such as good friends and family who love you and are interested in how you are doing - then you are experiencing an emotional sensation. To help Sarah, we taught her about the Self-Referencing Center, a specific part of the brain that can cause us to filter incoming information as having something to do with us. "Beginning to See the Light." Lester Bangs wrote in his review. It's only when we are able to identify and dismiss the faulty logic of deceptive brain messages and believe in ourselves that we begin to break free and change our behaviors so that they align with our true goals and values in life. He was erratic in the extreme, unpredictable in the most glorious way. Again there are too many exemplary moments to list. And yet it makes perfect sense when talking about Lou Reed. Lou Reed was aware of the social forces that constantly and aggressively threaten to cheapen our lives, and he wrote from there. We never got our records signed because Lou walked directly off stage after the set and into his tour bus, which promptly pulled away. What about when we experience negative thoughts or feelings (i.e., deceptive brain messages) that disparage us, make us question ourselves or our worth, fill us with doubt or cause us to act against our best interests? Listen to "Sister Ray" and try to imagine that it ever happened. This is why we often tell people: Don't believe everything you think or feel! Yes, you can! The way we define it in Chapter 1, emotional sensations are based on deceptive brain messages and are not based in the truth. Home Wonder Q & A How do you think it made Via fee... Wonder How do you think it made Via feel to hear what happened to Auggie at school? Some col… He maybe would be easier to deal with if he'd only done the Velvet Underground records, maybe Transformer and maybe New York, but there was so much more to his constantly unraveling story. The Uh Oh Center responds when we are anxious, when we ignore our true feelings and needs, and interestingly, when we experience the distressing aspects of both physical and social pain. Sleep well, you fabulous and contradictory and hilarious and problematic and eloquent and life-changing weirdo. One moment he was the poster boy for faggot junkies and the next he was buying a house with a nice yard in the suburbs. And maybe you can also think of someone whose very presence stresses you out. She then could Reframe (Step 2) her experiences by identifying her thinking errors or realizing she was feeling social pain. If you were born a guy but now look like a girl and act like a girl then you are a girl as far as I’m concerned I don’t need to know the past unless I’m looking to have a child Sarah's inaccurate belief that something was wrong with her was rooted in a series of experiences she had as a child, where people inadvertently ignored, minimized, or dismissed her needs, interests, and emotions. How do you think I feel? Feel your feelings. When the song ended, Letterman barely looked Reed in the face; he gave him a slap on the back, turned away, and almost shuddered as he did his professionally mandated plug of the Berlin live CD. Hold space for men to feel their feelings. "This Magic Moment." Sometimes it’s a bit overwhelming at Years start as they come in totally new to school. His eyes brightened again. It’s even a good idea to write these words at the top of a sheet of paper, then let your feelings flow. "Dirt." We were like nervous kids. "Linger on." ernae. He was our mirror, in all its ugliness and wonder and hope and despair. It was a night I'll never forget. It's that dark and troubling idea of suicide as an "ecstatic movement" that he laid out in The Bells. Then, try following these four steps to forgive even when it feels impossible: If you decide you are willing to forgive, find a good place and time to be alone with your thoughts. 6/1/2015 12:20:19 am. What do we mean by it? How Do You Think It Feels and When Do You Think It Stops? 151 people follow this. She wanted to feel better immediately and wanted to ensure she'd never feel like this again. I was trying to say that I wasn't too concerned about what "life without Lou" might be like, but I know now that I was lying to myself. He injected lethal doses of amphetamine into his body for years on end, he drank fifths of scotch in an hour's time, he smoked heavily into the 2000s. He has meanwhile managed to funnel his incredibly human problems into a body of work that is absolutely unparalleled in its emotional complexity. "What Goes On." "Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they're done." Lou Reed's music was always complicated, and not always in ways that he himself seems to have understood. The word "outsider" is bandied about with such deeply offensive regularity that it has been all but robbed of its meaning. And in case it’s not clear, I want to also emphasize that the social idea of normal, the one that makes you think you don’t deserve help and should feel like everyone else does, is faulty and bad. Her anxiety would decrease, thereby reinforcing to her and her brain that all this overthinking must be working. Your sadness is not based in the truth, but is a reaction to a highly deceptive and inaccurate deceptive brain message. Sign up for membership to become a founding member and help shape HuffPost's next chapter. Answers 3 Add Yours. And it's true. Community See All. "All Through the Night." "Her life was saved by rock n' roll," he famously sang in a song where he cast himself as a teenage girl listening to the radio. But I found it fascinating and visceral then and I find it fascinating and visceral now. At times, this repetitive overanalyzing led her to a short-term solution. In fact, we spend a lot of time in the book helping people distinguish "emotional sensations" from "true emotions" because this distinction is so important. He couldn't have. Further experiments demonstrated that light could be combined to form other colors. Granted, when our thoughts and feelings are accurately aligned with who we are and how we want to live in the world (i.e. The same coal black sea will it be waiting". Nothing could be farther from the truth, as Sarah learned. The ‘I Hear You’ project is a video series that highlights the real life, word-for-word stories of refugees from around the world. And if you or someone you know has been affected by sexual violence, call the 24-hour National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673), or visit Rainn.org. She would then feel incredibly anxious and want to do something to get rid of that anxiety as soon as possible. You want to use the Four Steps, ACT, etc. "European Son." The same person wrote "Pale Blue Eyes" and made Metal Machine Music. Thoughts and emotions are as important, maybe even more so, since they are the stimulus for our behaviors (and those eventual engrained habits). He was as mean as he was sentimental. The example I give in the book is this: if you are feeling sad because you lost someone you care about, that is a true emotion and most people would react in similar ways to that event. Explain. How do you think it feels When you're speeding and lonely Come here baby How do you think it feels When all you can say is: If only If only I had a little If only I had some change If only, if only, only How do you think it feels And when do you think it stops? Page Transparency See More. In the past few posts, I have been focusing on habits and how they become automatically wired into the brain, below our level of awareness, if we repetitively focus our attention on them. Embracing the World as It Truly Is With Compassion, 6 Steps for Changing Passive-Aggressive Behavior, How BPD Causes Lashing Out at Family and Friends. The coal black sea waits forever With time, she began to quickly see how pervasive her deceptive brain messages were and was able to Revalue them (Step 4) by realizing that this was the feeling of social pain or self-doubt, but that those inaccurate thoughts and uncomfortable feelings did not have to be taken seriously or acted upon with habitual overanalyzing that led nowhere. "Kill Your Sons." at some further point "Though we age we still hear the cries of those for whom the attraction to mournful chaos is monumental... Why am I drawn to do what I should not? "Death means a lot to me." I had two Lou Reed books with me in my bag at the time and I'd been thinking about him so much I wasn't even that amazed when he walked in and sat at the table next to me. Do they ignore you when you tell them how you feel? “We all do cringey things and make dumb mistakes and whatever. So, friends, if you are in that place of hurting. By staying home, you can help prevent spreading the virus to others in your community. In Sarah's case, whenever she perceived that someone was upset with her, her Self-Referencing Center was filtering the information as having something to do with a presumed fault of hers (fueled by her deceptive brain messages) and her Uh Oh Center would fire intensely. That is the kind of writer Reed was. He ordered a pizza with "extra garlic but not too much garlic." Watch the way David Letterman found himself unable to deal with the gravity of "Caroline Says II" when Reed performed it on The Late Show in 2008. I figured I had to say something but I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to say. Thank you once again.. Reading this article gave me whole new perspective of human beings. The Consequences of Keeping Romantic and Sexual Secrets, Why People Are Drawn to Horror Movies During the Pandemic. His mindset is such that he believes that he can never be wrong. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. But, it never lasted long. But "Rock Minuet" hurt me. Same with ACT and DBT, except for the length of time I've known about it. He was a guitar player who understood intuitively that the conflicts and confusions of the characters in his songs needed to be placed in a musical setting that was appropriately abrasive and gentle. Like any beginning the journey into school is quite a time. "I am the water boy." our true self), all is fine. How can you help? Borderline Personality: Fixing Someone Who Is Not Broken. Brexit: How do voters now feel about it? However, for Sarah, and many people like her who deal with frequent deceptive brain messages, funneling interactions, events, and thoughts about ourselves through this center when the negative thoughts and feelings are running rampant can be quite harmful. "I'm glad I spent it with you." He feels things just like you do. Almost all of them. I will talk more about the research showing why suppressing your reactions is not the best emotion management strategy and how to identify thinking errors in another post. The Uh Oh Center is the part of the brain that generates the physical sensations we associate with anxiety and alerts us that something bad or dangerous might be happening. When those who have been our mirrors leave us, we feel like some part of our vision of ourselves has been erased. As we explained to Sarah, in addition to warning us to real dangers, this part of the brain can be activated by perceived emotional threats as well. When our thoughts about life and ourselves are generally positive and aligned with our true goals in life, it's not too much of a problem for this part of the brain to be active—it leads to empathy and allows us to understand other people. Reed was drawn to that place where agony and ecstasy meet, a place of pure feeling that exists outside of boring and inadequate concepts like ethics or morality. Let it meet you where you are. Don’t Believe Everything You Think or Feel ... a specific part of the brain that can cause us to filter incoming information as having something to do with us. hope you're feeling absolutely fantastic and if you're not then try this. Not knowing if i was intuitively gifted or delusional at reading others thoughts.Alot like sarah i am consumed with what others think of me and been deeply spiritual the confusion of is this a gift or irrational out of control obsession. If only she could figure out how to act differently in the future, she thought, she could prevent this anxiety from coming up again. The concept starts to fall apart fairly quickly. In life and in song he was wholly unafraid to experiment with cruelty, and in many ways it was this cruelty that made his art trustworthy. Well, how do you think we stand? If you were born in … Today is National Voter Registration Day! The list is endless. Is there a name for this condition? I took down the "LOU" sign from his dressing room and it lives in my copy of The Bells. Rebecca Gladding, M.D., is co-author of You Are Not Your Brain, a clinical instructor and attending psychiatrist at UCLA. At the Knitting Factory show his solo on The Blue Mask felt like music itself was coming apart in his hands. The next thing you know, you feel a painful and irritating lump in your throat or chest. Sarah's most engrained unhelpful response was to habitually (and automatically) overanalyze what just happened so she could figure out how she should act in the future—even though there was often evidence right in front of her that her friend's reaction had nothing to do with her! He might play it off like he doesn’t miss you or he’s already moved on, but no one gets over a relationship that fast. For Sarah, this meant that there were times when she really did think she was not deserving of love, attention, affection, or kindness from other people (or compassion from herself). howdoyouthinkitfeels.blogspot.com. You could just as easily call this potentially unhelpful part of the brain the "It's All About Me!" 12 Signs You're Uncomfortable with Emotions, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC, How Psilocybin Reduces Symptoms of Depression, How to Calm Anxiety When You’re Afraid to Leave Home.

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